SON-IN-LAW SAYS I’M TOO OLD TO DRIVE

Am I wrong to feel upset and belittled? I’m Linda, a 57-year-old widow, and this situation with my son-in-law, Tom, who’s 34, is really getting to me. It all started when I had a minor fender bender last month. No one was hurt, thank goodness, but the car got a little banged up. Since then, Tom has been insistent that I should stop driving because of my age.

During our family dinners, Tom brings up my driving almost every time. He talks about how reflexes slow down as one ages and how he’s read studies about seniors being a risk on the road. I understand his concerns, but I feel perfectly capable and my doctor agrees I’m fit to drive.

The real issue came to a head last week. My daughter and Tom invited me for dinner, and afterwards, Tom offered to drive me home. I appreciated the gesture but declined since I had driven myself. That’s when he bluntly said, “Linda, I think it’s time you considered giving up driving.” He argued it wasn’t just about my safety, but also about the safety of others on the road.

I was so taken aback. I’ve been driving for over 40 years without any serious incidents. This one minor accident seems to have given him the ammunition to label me as unfit. I told him I wasn’t ready to give up my independence yet. He responded that it’s not about independence, but responsibility.

I left feeling very upset. My daughter is torn. She tries to stay neutral, but I can tell she doesn’t want to upset Tom. They have two young children and I help out by picking them up from school twice a week. If I stop driving, I’d lose that time with my grandkids and rely on others for my errands.

Tom’s suggestion feels like a direct attack on my capabilities and independence. Am I wrong to want to keep driving as long as I’m able and legally permitted? Should I just give in to keep the peace?

Here are some comments:

• It sounds like Tom is concerned, but he could be more tactful.
• You have every right to be upset. It’s your decision, not his.
• Maybe a compromise? Have checks to reassure him but keep driving.
• It’s tough, but sometimes family is overly cautious because they care.
• How about a driving refresher course to boost his confidence in your skills?
• Stand your ground, Linda. It’s about your independence.
• It’s important to consider all factors, but ultimately, it’s your life.