RE-MARRIED AT 70: AM I OVERREACTING ABOUT HER KIDS?

Am I wrong to feel sidelined in my own home? I’m Barbara, a 70-year-old woman who remarried two years ago to a wonderful man, Edward, who’s 72. He has two adult children from his previous marriage, and though I thought we got along fine, recent events have left me questioning everything.

It all started when Edward’s daughter, Emily, began insisting we host family gatherings at our house every month. Initially, I was thrilled; I love hosting. But it quickly turned into a situation where I was expected to prepare everything while they just showed up. No offers of help, no contributions—just expectations.

The real issue began when Emily and her brother started discussing major renovations to our home during one of these gatherings. They were planning as if I wasn’t even there. Edward listened intently, nodding along, while I sat there, stunned and silent. When I later expressed my discomfort to Edward, he brushed it off, saying they were just ideas and that I was overreacting.

Fast forward to last week, I overheard Emily on the phone saying they should start convincing Edward to move closer to her—about two hours away from our current home. I couldn’t believe it. When I confronted Edward, he admitted the conversation had occurred but reassured me that no decisions had been made.

I feel like I’m losing control over my own life. I married Edward because we shared so many dreams about our golden years together. Now, it feels like his children are dictating everything, from how we spend our weekends to where we might live.

Am I wrong to feel upset and sidelined? Is it unreasonable to want my voice heard in my own home and marriage?

Here are some comments:

• “You definitely need to have a serious talk with Edward. It sounds like he might not even realize how excluded you’re feeling.”
• “It’s important to set boundaries, especially with stepchildren who might not understand your position in the family.”
• “Maybe try involving yourself more directly in those conversations about the house and future plans. It could help to assert your presence.”
• “Have you considered family counseling? Sometimes having a neutral third party can help everyone understand each other’s perspectives better.”
• “It’s your home too! You should never feel like a guest or an afterthought in your own living space.”
• “It sounds like they’re taking advantage of your hospitality and generosity. Edward needs to step up and support you more.”
• “You’re not overreacting. Feeling respected and valued in your marriage and home is not too much to ask for.”