I’m Not Helping My Pregnant 19-Year-Old Daughter with Her Infant

When I became a young mom, I faced a lot of challenges, but I managed. Now, my own daughter, Rose, is 19 and pregnant, and she’s putting me in a tough spot.

Rose is really smart. She got a scholarship to a great college and has been living at home, doing well in her studies. Then she met her new boyfriend. I didn’t like him from the start. He’s always disappointing her but somehow keeps her hooked with his big smiles and empty promises. I’ve warned her, but she’s still with him, and now she’s expecting.

I even offered to cover the costs of an abortion and to take care of her during recovery. But no, she has other plans. She wants to marry this guy, drop out of college, and have him move in with us while he works as a bartender. I couldn’t help but laugh at that idea, which upset her.

Then she hit me with, “Since he can’t move in, you’ll need to help more with the baby.” I was stunned. Rose has always been sensible, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I told her straight, “If you’re adult enough to get married and have a baby, you’re adult enough to move out and do it with him.”

I’ve already raised my child. I don’t want to raise another baby in my home. I made it clear: I’ll help with diapers occasionally and visit, but I’m not taking on the baby responsibilities. If she thinks about adoption, I’m here to help her figure that out.

Now she’s not talking to me. My husband, her stepdad, thinks I should do more, but I shut that down quickly by suggesting he could help babysit if he wanted.

I remember having Rose at 19. My husband was in the military, and I still managed to graduate college on time. Maybe Rose thinks it’ll be just as easy for her, but her situation is nothing like mine was. Her boyfriend can’t even secure health insurance for them.

Despite suggestions from others, I’m firm on my stance: I won’t have a baby living in my house, and I’m not up for babysitting. I’ll be the fun grandma who shows up at birthdays and spoils the kids with gifts, but that’s the extent of it.