FEELING OVERLOOKED: AM I WRONG TO DEMAND RESPECT?

Am I wrong here? I’m Nancy, a 57-year-old widow. I recently had a big falling out with my son, Derek, who is 32. The whole situation has left me feeling undervalued and neglected.

This all started when Derek asked me to help him with his children while he and his wife, Julia, worked during the pandemic. I moved across the state to live with them, leaving behind my friends and a community I cherished. They promised this arrangement would be temporary.

Fast forward, the world is mostly back to normal, but my living situation has not changed. I’m still with Derek and his family, managing their household and caring for my grandchildren. I love my grandchildren dearly, but I’ve started to feel more like a live-in nanny than a valued family member.

Last month, I brought up the subject of moving back home or at least discussing an alternative where I could have more time for myself. Derek’s response was dismissive. He said they needed me here and couldn’t manage without my help. Julia didn’t say much during the conversation, but her lack of support was painfully clear.

I tried to express how I felt overlooked and taken for granted. I reminded them of my initial hesitation and the sacrifices I’d made. Derek retorted that they had given me a place to stay and I should be grateful. That comment stung—I wasn’t here for charity; I was here to help.

Feeling frustrated, I suggested that perhaps it was time for them to consider other childcare options, as I needed to reclaim my independence and focus on my life. Derek accused me of abandoning them when they still needed me.

I left the room feeling heartbroken. Am I wrong to want recognition for the help I’ve given? Am I wrong to ask for respect and consideration from my own son?

This has created a rift in our relationship that I’m scared won’t heal. I’m contemplating moving back home without their blessing, but the thought of leaving my grandchildren is tearing me apart.

What should I do? Stay and feel undervalued, or leave and risk damaging my relationship with my son and losing daily contact with my grandchildren?