CAUGHT HUSBAND CHEATING WITH MY SISTER: AM I WRONG?

Am I wrong to feel utterly betrayed? I’m Janet, a 62-year-old retired teacher, and I never imagined that my golden years would be marred by such deceit. My husband, Tom, 64, and I have been married for 40 years. The other person in this nightmare is my younger sister, Anne, who is 57.

This all started six months ago when Anne, recently divorced, came to stay with us while she looked for a new place. I was happy to support her during this tough time; she’s family, after all. Tom and Anne were always friendly, but I noticed they started spending a lot of time together. They said they were working on a surprise for my upcoming birthday, which made me feel loved and appreciated.

One evening, I came home early from a book club meeting, expecting to find Anne alone watching TV. Instead, I walked into the living room to find Tom and Anne in a compromising position. They hadn’t heard me come in. Shocked, I retreated quietly to our bedroom, not sure how to confront what I had just seen.

The next day, I confronted Tom. He confessed to an affair that started just a few weeks after Anne moved in. He apologized profusely, claiming he was confused and felt neglected as I was often busy with my new hobbies and social life. Anne, when confronted, broke down and admitted that she had been feeling lonely and vulnerable post-divorce.

I felt like my world had crumbled. Not only had my husband betrayed me, but my sister, my confidante through every hardship, had stabbed me in the back. I asked Anne to leave immediately, and she did so without much resistance.

Tom wants to seek counseling to repair our marriage, but I’m torn. Half of me wants to salvage our long history together, but the other half feels like I’ve been living a lie. How do I trust either of them again? My heart says one thing, my head another.

Am I wrong to consider giving Tom a second chance, or should I start anew, even at this stage in my life?

Here are some comments:

• That’s heartbreaking to hear. It’s important to do what feels right for you. Maybe some personal counseling could help you sort out your feelings?
• Infidelity is tough, especially with family involved. It’s okay to take time to decide what you need for your own well-being.
• I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you. Remember, it’s not just about forgiving them, it’s about what you need to heal.
• That is a terrible betrayal. It might be beneficial to take a break from both of them to clear your head.
• Your feelings are completely valid. Trust is hard to rebuild, but it’s not impossible if that’s what you decide you want.
• Consider all the years you’ve shared and weigh them against the hurt. Sometimes, people do make mistakes, even big ones.
• Betrayal by a spouse is hard enough, but by a sister too? It might be helpful to reach out to other family or friends for support during this time.